Time stamps
10.37 pm 2026
12.11 am 2026
Words have started to look strange to me, I cannot sew them as I like, I can’t lie through them anymore. Words echo in the hollowness of my chest and lose their meaning, I cannot make out what they’re trying to say to me, it always sounds like a sob. Sobs I cannot fathom, cannot sew into words, they’re meant to be eaten, there’s hunger inside of me that meals cannot soothe, I need to eat my own sorrow to be content, gulp bitter tears, the hollowness grows bigger day by day, the hunger escalates and I need to feast on grief to thrive. I cannot eat anymore, mother—a strange nausea takes over me every time I see your face.
11.42 am 2021
I feel like she’s trying to steal the sanctity of my suffering, she’s taking out my blood and selling it to foreigners, will you advocate for me if I start turning blue? I am still a kid. Will you tell her to go away and leave me alone. I am only this reeking flesh and the blood seeping from the cracks, I lie here, in your courtroom, no judge awaits, no prosecute cares, no victim to raise fingers at me—I lie here, stained in my own red, the blood dissolving with the black of my hair, in the warmth of my own blood, I shall lie here forever.
5.14 pm 2023
Oh fuck Aphrodite, I’m fourteen again, vilest I’ve ever been, vilest I’ve ever been stronger than the rising winds, wild tides, I’ll drown you, home built on sand seeps into the void. No more, never more, I let you go, have killed the litte birdie, the bars of my cage has scarred her flesh, fly away my love, with broken wings, fly away. Goodbye, lover of the night sky. I don’t bow to such goddesses, I’ve been wild all my life. So what If her wrath burns me, I’m my mother’s child, she has cradled me in flames, the fire she extinguished ignited with the touch of my infant fingers, there’s lava in the depts of my skin, beyond the reach of any lover’s touch. My skin is forever burning, goodbye now, goodbye again. Shall I be cold? Such things do not bother me, I’ve spewed death out of my organs and buried the corpse under the soils of January.
12.29 am 2025
A madwoman lives in my head, I worship her, I kneel before her, but my madwoman has renounced her divinity, abandoned being worshipped, in her sleek white hands, a knife lies, she’ll attempt to slice off the devotee clinging to her skin, a parasite sucking out her blood, a tree’s root needing her tears to reach the sun, she wants to kill me, love corrupts her lips, the ground beneath her feet is sinking, where must I go now? I won’t. My devotion exceeds the sky and the sun, I will surrender to the abyss burying her corpse, if I rot, I will, with her.
9.41 pm 2022
I see how you flinch before looking at me, trip before walking to me, I see how your words fumble when you speak of the love for me, and honestly my love, I get it. Empathy was fed to me with knives, I have cuts all over my mouth, I will always get this detest, it will burn those scars but I will understand you anyway, for love I may not know, care may be a drug for me, but this indifference is injected into my eyes, I see it, in the veins of your sclera. I will always see you swallowing the hate for me like a bitter medicine. Hate—whose origin you cannot remember, whose end you cannot walk to.
11.07 pm 2024
Retreat. I am a black hole shinning with yellow lights, love is never yellow, do not be tempted to fall, sweet love. Not all lights posses warmth, my fervour will blind your beautiful eyes, you will fall and fall, into this never ending abyss. Retreat, sweet roses, walk away. I adore your being too much to let be corroded with my affection.
1.32 am 2026
Goodbye for a while now. I am going to sleep. A long sleep and dream of everything I've been—dream of fourteen until I'm not scared of it anymore, dream of eleven until I realise no matter what, I will never forget what happened, it has scared me for life, and I shall never recover, dream of six, eight, and nine, mourn the lost infancy, the innocence, the truth, I will dream of the grief I ate until I cannot anymore. Goodbye until I wake up from the dead, for those dreams are my pyre, I will be immolated and be born again and when I do, I promise to be sunshine, not grey fog, I promise I’ll bring light to your gloom, stars in your eyes, smiles in your face, I will not blur your eyes. This i promise before I leave.
Sakshi this was lethal and every diary entry was something which came out as the flow of consciousness penned down without a pause, absolutely loved the yellow and blue one and the madwoman one🫶🏻
I was thinking how had i been so happy and I realized you did not post for a while🤣
The time stamps make this feel like fragments of a life stitched together in the dark, and the imagery is relentless in a way that’s hard to look away from. There’s such intensity in how you write about hunger, fire, devotion, and retreat, like every feeling has to take up its full space. The line about promising to return as sunshine carries a fragile kind of hope that lingers after the heaviness. Your voice is unapologetically visceral, and that kind of writing takes courage. I’m curious to see how this evolves as you keep moving through these versions of yourself.